In interest of full disclosure, Arknar just come out and say this: Arknar love Red Sox ice cream sandwiches. Arknar’s opinion of Red Sox ice cream sandwiches directly influenced by Arknar’s admitted love for them. This far from unbiased review.

But honestly, how could it be? Red Sox ice cream sandwiches delicious. Who could say they not love Red Sox ice cream sandwiches? Liar; that who. Or maybe someone who not had one. If you either one, Arknar suggest you consider changing your ways.

First off, they awesome. Arknar not just mean that to say they impressive and that the prospect of eating one excite Arknar. Arknar also mean that all other ice cream sandwiches lay humbled before Red Sox ice cream sandwiches. They not simply superior, they divine. “God increamate.” The Lord made ice cream. They as far beyond ice cream sandwiches as ice cream sandwiches beyond sandwiches.

Comparing regular ice cream sandwiches to Red Sox ice cream sandwiches very much like comparing apples to caramel apples. Red Sox ice cream sandwiches have a stripe of golden caramel running through the middle. Just like stripe on the on side of Arknar’s bitchin’ 1994 Honda Accord, it makes them go faster.

Arknar can polish of a box of eight in one night if need be. If that what circumstances demand. Sadly, that usually not the case. Denise always absconded with sandwich or two despite Arknar’s specific declaration of dibs based on the grounds that Denise has her own damn ice cream. It not Arknar’s fault Denise buy herself lowfat (garbage) ice cream. Arknar not make Red Sox ice cream sandwiches so delicious that it make Arknar’s head hurt trying to fathom why other ice cream exist. Arknar not one who make Denise’s ice cream taste bad.

Who would do that anyway? Who would, or even could make ice cream taste not good? Is it even ice cream if it not delicious? It remind Arknar of old truesim: Call bear beaver, but bear not build dam, beaver just bite face. Parable loses meaning if you never been mauled.

You trust Arknar, analogy applicable.

In summation: Red Sox ice cream sandwiches good, bullshit garbage ice cream bad.